My drug of choice.......

Drugs huh....I do not smoke pot, I have never tried cocaine, ectacy or any other drug! But I do have an addiction to a drug. One that started when I was young,

maybe not that young but close to it... I remember being in 6th or 7th grade the first time I picked up a cigarette, I was at my best friends house. She had an older brother who smoked and we asked him for one, I remember it was gross and I never wanted to touch another one again.

Then in 8th grade my older brother informed me that this girl that I looked up to smoked I was shocked and couldn't believe that such a pretty girl would do that. He told me just wait till your in high school Tressa you will smoke, every girl does! No way was that going to be me...until 9th grade came around. He was right my friends and I started hanging out with older people who all smoked and of course I had to also(I am a follower). I would only smoke while I was at school (or ditching) when school got out I would give my pack away or throw them away and go home and I was fine, at that point was never really addicted.

I believe it was about 6 months after we moved to California that I stopped hiding it from my parents, I was not 18 yet, but at this point I was addicted. I did try to quit my senior year with the help of some Mormon missionary's, but on graduation night I blew it.

I feel like the girl who cried wolf, so many times I have tried to quit, twice I was even successful for a year at a time, but I always fall back into it! I am so ashamed of it, I hate the way it smells, I hate the way people look at me, I hate how expensive it is, I hate that its causing wrinkles and ruining my skin. I have tried the gum, patch and welbutrin, but that addiction is always there. 

 

I know all the risks and how bad it is, believe me I see my grandma who can not make it a few steps without her oxygen, I have seen my best friends mom suffer from oral cancer and have a hole put in her throat. 

 

I am going to try to quit again I know there are so many people out there who do not believe in me, they have heard this from me before, but I really want to and do feel I am ready.

If anyone has any suggestions please leave me a comment!

I DON'T EVER WANT ANOTHER PICTURE LIKE THIS!